Oh my god. Like, where does the time get too? You’d think that with another birthday on the cards Ms W would be rushing to the nearest Botox clinic to sort out those pesky crows feet. Ha-ha-ha. Of course NOT.
Ms W has consulted her mirror, mirror on the wall and been duly informed she is fairest of them all. Which is a good thing (broken mirrors are bad luck, but I’d have smacked it anyway, tee-hee!) as she has a gathering of her nearest and dearest to attend in honour of MY SPECIAL DAY. Do you ever just wonder how someone as ragingly cool and popular as Ms W ever manages to whittle her birthday invite list down to a number that can reasonably fit in a Super Chic Beach Bar? I do too!
Luckily I’m a Material Girl (living in a Material World, dontcha know) and I discovered a simple solution to my guest list dilemma: anyone with a name I can reasonably capitalise in order to make myself look cooler and more popular (ie, Famous DJs, Bigtime Promoters, Sexy White-ette Pals or Buff Stud Muffins) is a “yes” as is anyone who might bring Bulgari (or Gucci, Pucci, Louis Vuitton or Iceberg -- it's rude to be too fussy).
By carefully applying this formula Ms W found herself sipping champagne and dining on seasonal delicacies with a couple of dozen of her CLOSEST FRIENDS. That’s right. The people who really, really love me. All of whom proved it by providing me with a big pile of gorgeous pressies to unwrap. All except the Kind-Of Boyfriend. Who, despite the unrelenting stream of text messages saying how much he just ADORES me (newsflash darling, get in the queue) managed to turn up to the party Empty Handed.
Sure, he drove me home later and made sure I returned to my princess’ palace in time to watch the sunrise but really, does he think playing taxi driver is going to make up for NO BLING?! Honey, I don’t know how you play it in
Anyway, I hate to complain on my birthday (good thing my birthday was yesterday. Hee hee) so let’s talk about the NICE STUFF. Like all my super-cool presents and how I’m looking younger and finer every day! (JK!)
The Lowdown
The Bad: I’ve been here over three decades, why is the world not yet revolving around me?
The Gossip: If and when the Kind Of Boyfriend gets his gift-shit together I’ll let you know. Don’t hold your breath…
